individual paragraph

2013 is the European Year of Citizens for a very valid reason. Due to lacking public awareness people do not know about their rights as a European Citizen ,thus they do not appreciate being one. Therefore, the goal of the EU is to inform EU citizens of their rights and to promote the many advantages of being a Citizen. For example, the right to move and reside freely in any European country. By raising the public awareness the European Commission hopes to encourage people to appreciate the significance of being a Citizen of the European Union. They want people to participate in forming a better Union that also reflects their own goals. This can only be achieved if more people vote actively. Creating a real union between nations is only possible if every individual sees his personal interest in it. This is the reason why the perspective of 2013 is the individual citizen.



Feedback: I got some very good suggestions from my colleagues and also Melissa, that help me in improving my text and make it more interesting to read. One of them is that I should place the emphasis more on the reason than on the Year. So the topic sentence would reflect more the actual topic of the supporting sentences. Another point that was rather a mistake they found than a suggestion on improvement is that I wrote citizens capitalized. What's more,  they suggested to give a further explanation on how voting changes the EU. All in all, I very much appreciate the constructive feedback.




There is a very valid reason why 2013 is chosen to be the European Year of Citizens. Due to lacking public awareness people do not know about their rights as a European citizen ,thus they do not appreciate being one. Therefore, the goal of the EU is to inform EU citizens of their rights and to promote the many advantages of being a citizen. For example, the right to move and reside freely in any European country. By raising the public awareness the European Commission hopes to encourage people to appreciate the significance of being a citizen of the European Union. They want people to participate in forming a better Union that also reflects their own goals. This can only be achieved if more people vote actively. Because voting is the best method to participate in changing the EU into something people want it to be. Creating a real union between nations is only possible if every individual sees his personal interest in it. This is the reason why the perspective of 2013 is the individual citizen.


Feedback: Again I got some very useful suggestions from my colleagues concerning cohesion and register. It was especially annoying for me that the word EU and citizen appear too often. So I mentioned this to the person who was so kind to proofread my text. The suggestion he gave me was that I should rephrase some sentences or replace the word in order to make it more cohesive. All in all, I am very happy with my text, especially after utilizing the suggestions I received.


There is a very valid reason why 2013 is chosen to be the European Year of Citizens. Due to lacking public awareness people do not know about their rights as a European citizen ,thus they do not appreciate being one. Therefore, the goal of the European Union is to inform their citizens about their rights and to promote the advantages that are for many unknown. For example, the recent regulations concerning mobile roaming. By raising the public awareness the European Commission hopes to encourage people to appreciate the significance of being a part of the European Union. They want people to participate in forming a better Union that also reflects their own goals. This can be achieved if more people vote actively. Because, voting is the best method to participate in changing the EU into something people want it to be. Creating a real union between nations is only possible if every individual sees his personal interest in it. This is the reason why the perspective of 2013 is the individual citizen.

Final version 2:

There is a very valid reason why 2013 was chosen to be the European Year of Citizens. Due to a lack of public awareness, many people do not know about their rights as  European citizens thus they do not appreciate being one. Therefore, the goal of the European Union is to inform citizens about their rights and to promote the advantages that are for many unknown, for example, the recent regulations concerning mobile roaming. By raising public awareness, the European Commission hopes to encourage people to appreciate the significance of being a part of the European Union. They want people to participate in forming a better Union that also reflects the citizen`s own goals. In order to do so they try to encourage people to vote because voting is the best means to change the EU into something people want it to be. After all, creating a real union between nations is only possible if every individual sees his personal interest in it. This is the reason why the focus of 2013 is the individual citizen.